btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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