9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
