I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
