So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
