Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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