By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
