So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
