Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
