He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
