And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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