How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
