Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
