what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
