im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
