He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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