on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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