My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
