And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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