this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
