New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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