oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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