You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
