Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
