I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
