i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
