Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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