Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
