Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
