Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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