last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
