God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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