Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Randomize
