I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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