wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
