brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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