The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
