Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
