So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Acid is not a monday night drug
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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