thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
