why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
