Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
