I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
