five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
