Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
