Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
