And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
