What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
