In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
