i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
