just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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