So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
