I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
